Ketamine for Depression Worked for Me
After years of treatment, here’s how ketamine revolutionized my battle against depression.
I’ve been depressed off and on since I was a teen, and most recently severely depressed for the last two and a half years. The worst of my depressions when I was young occurred at age 19, 20 and 23. At 19, I could barely leave the house and my mother drove me to my psychiatry appointments. That doctor put me on two tricyclic antidepressants. The first medication caused a grand mal seizure, where I fell on a sidewalk and dislocated my right shoulder. A stranger saved me by putting his wallet in my mouth and calling 911. The second medication (also tricyclic — this was 1984), caused nausea and vomiting. They gave up and continued with therapy. For no apparent reason I snapped out of it several months later. I regained stability and went back to my life.
I fell in love, got married, had a baby in very short time. I felt marvelous. Some mothers experience postpartum depression but I couldn’t have been happier.
About 9 months later, I could feel it coming on. The dread. The sadness. Everything is dark. The numbness. This cycle occurred 2 more times until age 24. I got a terrific therapist and saw her twice a week, things were awesome for a while. I fell in love, got married, had a baby in very short time. I felt marvelous. Some mothers experience postpartum depression but I couldn’t have been happier. The years between having small children to current day being an empty nester were varied in moods but not huge ups and downs. I felt mostly fulfilled with moments of being down. I had found work I loved. My family and I did two overseas work experiences. I loved those, too.
Now I am 54. I have been in treatment with a psychiatrist for over two years and have taken at various times either alone or altogether: Lexapro, Zoloft, Trazodone, Wellbutrin, Remeron, Lamictal, Lithium, and Ativan. I would have some success and would feel well, then I would suddenly become depressed again. This happened every few months. The last time in May 2019, after putting up my meds to the highest doses and I was still sitting around sobbing, my doctor put me on Lithium. Like it’s 1950. Some friends had suggested I get a new doctor, but I figured I had been with him this long and he knew my arsenal of problems, neuroses, traumas, and disorders. A friend told me about Ketamine and about a doctor who was treating people with it. At first, I was afraid to try it. I looked at it a little, told myself my reasons for staying on the SRRI/Bipolar medication merry-go-round and put the thoughts away.
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